


Alone in you

by Drago



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Changmin is a dumbass, Happy Ending, Hojun is a good friend, Homin - Freeform, Jealousy, M/M, Mujabee, WHAT'S NEW THO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-19 20:43:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17008869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drago/pseuds/Drago
Summary: Yunho never knew that being married could feel so lonely.





	Alone in you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tohoflawless](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tohoflawless/gifts).



> Sooo. It's a surprise. I see y'all, people who always read my works (is that creepy? probably a bit, but it's too late now), comment and bookmark my stuff. It's a lil'gift for you, and especially for [Tohoflawless](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tohoflawless/pseuds/Tohoflawless)
> 
> I hope you like it! And thank you for reading my stuff!

Yunho doesn’t remember the last time he went to a bar like this, it’s not his scene. Usually, he prefers the intimacy of his own, or his friends’, flat. Sometimes, if he is feeling more adventurous, he goes to a bar, but never alone. Truthfully, he doesn’t even remember how he got here in the first place, he had some vodka shots before leaving the house, so he is already pretty drunk. It doesn’t matter. He orders the strongest drink the bartender can make and downs it in one go to numb himself further. It makes him choke up, but it’s good, his vision is already getting slightly blurry. He isn’t used to drinking strong alcohol either.   
He looks around, trying to find someone interesting. He doesn’t do one-night stands, it’s difficult to him to have sex with someone he doesn’t know well, but there is a first time for everything. He spots a man standing alone at the bar, a glass of whiskey in one hand, smartphone in another. Tall and handsome with kind eyes, exactly Yunho’s type. Even if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t matter, not now. But it helps, he will be able to keep his eyes wide open.  
He is numb enough, so much that he stumbles over his own legs when he tries to get to the other man, who greets him with a warm smile. Yunho gives him his best smile in exchange, hoping it comes off as seductive and not sloppy. They talk, the man takes him home. And Yunho blanks out.  
He wakes up with a hangover and overall feeling like shit, but these two things aren’t related. He moves his hips slightly, trying to gauge how big of a mistake he made the night before. He can’t quite believe it, when he feels no discomfort or pain.   
“Hi,” a pleasant, warm voice reaches him from the left, and he turns his head to see a stranger standing by the door. Handsome. Too bad Yunho doesn’t remember him at all.  
“Hi,” his own voice sounds raspy.  
“I’m Hojun. I’m sure you don’t remember.”  
“I’m sorry, I...”  
“It’s alright, you seemed quite distressed yesterday. That’s why I took you home, we didn’t do anything. I worried someone else would take advantage of you, so I took you with me.”  
It sounds too good to be true, but maybe Yunho is too bitter.  
“Why? You don’t even know me.”   
Hojun shrugs, “It doesn’t matter. I didn’t want you to get hurt, it’s that simple. Breakfast?”  
Yunho doesn’t want to stay for breakfast, he wants to go home and fall asleep again, even if the place he is staying at isn’t his real home. But it would be rude, especially after Hojun took care of him, stopped him from making a huge mistake. It’s the least Yunho can do.  
Hojun is kind and pure, it takes Yunho only few minutes to realize that. Eating with him is incomparably better than being home alone, even if Yunho is still embarrassed about his behavior the night before.  
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Hojun asks after they’re done eating. They are sitting on a couch, coffee cups in hands and a silly show playing on TV. “You don’t seem like someone who likes hookups, and you looked absolutely miserable. So, what’s your story?”  
Yunho doesn’t like to bother people with his problems. It’s easier when people think you are always happy and nothing bothers you. But the other man already knows that something is wrong, and maybe Yunho needs to talk to someone about it. His family scolded him for being childish when he mentioned it, so he didn’t try again. After all, it can be both the first and the last time he sees Hojun, if that’s what he wants. He takes a deep breath.  
“My husband and I decided we need a break.”  
“You don’t seem too happy about it. His decision?”  
“It was a mutual decision, but my marriage is breaking apart, how could I be happy about it?”  
“What’s the reason then?”  
Yunho stares into his cup, trying to collect his thoughts, “We drifted apart. I don’t know why, we’ve been married for four years, and we were happy. Until recently. He is a financial adviser, and I don’t remember the last time he came home while I was awake. We would make plans, he would bail on me, forget to text me that he won’t be able to make it and then act surprised when I confronted him about it. I don’t know when was the last time we had sex, but I remember that he fell asleep right after, without taking care of me… sorry, you probably don’t want to hear that.”  
“It’s alright, I can handle it.”  
“I tried to make it better. I really did, but there is only so much you can do if the other side isn’t acknowledging that something is wrong, so I just snapped one day, said we should take a break, decide if we still want to be together. If he still wants me. He agreed, didn’t even put up a fight.”  
“Was he cheating?”  
“No, but… He admitted that he started noticing other people, mostly women. I always knew he is bisexual, it wasn’t a problem...”  
“Until women became a threat to your relationship.”  
“Yeah. It makes me insecure, like I’m not good enough. Like I will never be good enough, because there will always be someone prettier, younger, easier to be with.”  
“Is that why you went out?”  
Yunho chuckles, “Yes, and I couldn’t even do that.”  
“If it’s any consolation, I would have gladly slept with you, if you weren’t so sad. You are very attractive.”  
Hojun doesn’t seem like a liar, so Yunho allows himself to believe him.   
“It’s a good thing we didn’t sleep together. I can’t lie to him, and we’re not divorced yet.”

The last time Yunho felt so unwanted was when his father threw him out after Yunho came out to him. And that, at least, was something he expected to happen. He never expected his husband, his _friend_ to grow so distant from him. His life was supposed to be different.  
It’s been eight days, and Changmin is yet to try and contact him. Maybe he should have slept with Hojun after all. Maybe that’s what his husband is doing, too busy fucking his busty, long-legged secretary to remember about him.  
Yunho could call or text him, of course he could, there is nothing stopping him. Except he doesn’t want to do that. He longs to hear Changmin’s voice, to be held by the other man, to smell his unique scent. But he is just so tired of always trying, of always being the one who keeps their relationship alive. Just for once, he wants to be romanced, wants to be taken care of. He was the one who pursued the younger man, the one who proposed, the one who always showered his husband with affection. Changmin is an introvert, not the best at expressing his feelings, and Yunho always respected that. But maybe that was a mistake, maybe he should have been more distant. Maybe it would have saved him from a heartbreak. Heechul always tells him that he gives too much, too easily. No more. He wants to be chased, and if Changmin doesn’t want to do that, then maybe they aren’t meant to be.  
“Maybe I’m being petty,” Yunho admits to Hojun while they are shopping in Gangnam, “but I always thought he loved me as much as I love him, even if he wouldn’t talk about it.”  
“I don’t think you are petty. I think you are just tired. And that you deserve better.”  
Yunho gives him a soft, sad smile, “Were where you six years ago, when I was still single?”  
But both of them know they wouldn’t work, they are too similar. Yunho suspects that his new friend has some feelings for him, but Hojun doesn’t do anything about them and lets him talk about Changmin all he wants. Which is a lot, even if he doesn’t quite realize it.  
Yunho buys a silver brooch for his sister and asks the clerk to wrap it as a gift. It’s the least he can do to thank her for letting him stay at her house. When he gets there, the house is empty. Jihye and her husband must be at work still, or maybe they decided to go on a date, they do that quite a lot. It’s cute. Changmin stopped taking him out after they got married.  
Yunho’s cooking isn’t the best, and he is just so tired that he feeds the dogs and then makes himself some instant ramen, adds an egg and chopped spring onions to make it seem like he made an effort. He leaves Jihye’s gift on the kitchen table, forgoes showering to go to sleep as fast as he can. At least he doesn’t have any trouble sleeping, and sleep is his main escape from the silence of his phone.  
He invites Hojun on Friday, because his sister and her husband are still young, they like to disappear for the whole day and night, partying and enjoying their youth. The house is obnoxiously quiet without them, so Yunho invites Hojun over for dinner and maybe a movie. He would have invited Heechul, but Heechul can be too much at times, and Yunho needs company, not someone who will try to drag him to a club to get laid. It’s not that his best friend doesn’t like Changmin, but Heechul is protective, and he shows no mercy if someone hurts Yunho.   
Hojun is a good guest. He brings the ingredients and wine that’s supposed to be really good, but Yunho doesn’t know anything about luxury liquors, so he smiles politely and tries to avoid spilling it while he struggles with the cork. It’s red, he likes red well enough when Changmin serves it with steak.   
Hojun lets him peel and chop vegetables, but then Yunho gets to relax and watch the older man cook. It reminds him of what he used to have, and if closed his eyes just a little bit Hojun could almost pass for someone else. So he doesn’t.  
They are in the middle of arguing about the superiority of Japanese movies (Yunho) over Spanish movies (Hojun), when the doorbell rings. Yunho isn’t expecting any deliveries, it’s too late for that anyway, and Jihye never forgets her keys. He opens the door, hiding most of his body behind it in case it’s someone he doesn’t want to let in.  
The first thing he notices is a bouquet of purple hyacinths, his eyes follow the hands attached to it until they reach Changmin’s face. Yunho likes to think that he is very manly, but he also likes romantic things, like flowers and chocolates. Changmin knows about it, his husband knows everything there is to know about him, but Yunho can’t remember the last time he’s been given flowers, so it takes him by surprise.  
“What are you doing here?” it comes off almost hostile, not the way he intended it to be.  
“I wanted to see you. Here, it’s for you,” Changmin shoves the bouquet into his hands.  
“But why?” Yunho presses on.  
“I...”  
“Who is that? Is everything alright?” Hojun suddenly appears behind him, peering at Changmin warily. “Who are you?”  
“I’m Yunho’s husband,” Changmin says icily. “And you are?”  
“Yunho’s friend, Son Hojun.”  
“Friend? I know all of his friends.”  
“You know all of his old friends.”  
“And when did you two meet?”  
Yunho wonders if he should say something, he doesn’t really like it when people talk about him like he isn’t there, but there is something in the way Hojun is holding himself that makes him wait.   
“We met a while ago, at a bar,” Hojun’s smile is sharp, predatory, telling a story of things that didn’t happen. “We were a little drunk, you know how it is.”  
Changmin’s nostrils flare slightly betraying his displeasure. He is furious, Yunho only knows it because he can read him well. But Changmin is great at controlling his emotions, so he takes a step back, instead of stepping forward.  
“I see. I’ll be taking my leave then.”  
Their eyes finally meet, and Yunho almost crumbles, almost reaches out to the younger man. Instead, his fingers curl around the stems, and he whispers, “I… we didn’t.”  
Changmin relaxes a bit, but he still leaves. Yunho’s hands are trembling when he closes the door.  
“He finally came.”  
“Yeah...”  
“Do you know what purple hyacinths mean?”  
Yunho shakes his head. He likes flowers, but he doesn’t know much about them, apart from the fact that red roses mean love.  
“It’s an apology.”  
At first, Yunho wants to call, if only to hear Changmin’s voice again. Instead, he sends a quick text after Hojun leaves, thanking his husband for the flowers. He doesn’t expect to hear back from him for at least few more hours, Changmin is known for forgetting to text back – it’s always better to call him, so Yunho is quite surprised when his phone pings few seconds later.

From: Changdola  
 _I’m glad you like them. Do you know what they mean?_

To: Changdola  
 _Yes, Hojun told me._

Belatedly, he realizes it probably isn’t the right thing to say, but it’s too late, the damage is done, and Changmin doesn’t respond this time.

Yunho is a primary school teacher, so most of his weekends are free. He decides to pick up more clothes from his real home on Saturday morning. Changmin should be working, that’s what he’s been doing for the past year, working evenings and weekends, even though he really doesn’t have to. Or maybe he does, after all Changmin is the smart one with a real career, that’s what Yunho’s dad always said when he still thought they are just friends, so he probably knows better.  
That’s why he is entirely unprepared to see a half-naked Changmin lounging on their bed, reading a self-improvement book. His husband is equally surprised, so much that he drops the book and almost falls over in his haste to get up, legs tangled in Yunho’s favourite blanket.  
“What..? Are you back?”  
“No, I need more clothes and a suit.”  
“What for?” for a second, Changmin seemed happy, but now he looks deflated. It means, Yunho supposes, that the younger man still cares about him.   
“Siwon bought two tickets for some play, and he is taking me with him.”  
“Is that why you moved out? You are spending awfully a lot of time with other men.”  
“I’m spending time with my _friends_. Do I have to remind you that it’s not me, who likes to ogle Joohyun? Don’t accuse me of cheating, when we both know who stopped coming home first.”  
“I’m home now,” Changmin says somewhat meekly, head lowered in shame. It’s times like these that remind Yunho that Changmin is the younger one.  
“That’s a start.”  
He tries to smile, but it doesn’t feel sincere, not after Changmin’s outburst. He grabs his best suit that accentuates all the right places and, after making sure that his husband is watching, he pulls out the tightest pair of pants he owns. It’s been a while since he wore them, but he is making a point. It works, the younger man turns slightly red, but he doesn’t say anything. Yunho wishes he did.  
He enjoys the play, Siwon is good company, if a bit too serious at times, and they go for drinks afterwards. Siwon used to be interested in him when they first met, but he quickly gave up after realizing that Yunho isn’t someone his parents would be proud of. Parents’ approval means a lot to Siwon, and it’s not something that Yunho can handle. Especially since even his own parents aren’t proud of him.  
It would be better with Changmin, who indulges him. Yunho likes to talk quietly during movies and plays, or not really talk, but make random little comments here and there. Changmin doesn’t mind, but when Yunho tried to do it with Siwon, the man scolded him. He spent the rest of the evening with his eyes glued to the stage. It was enjoyable, but something was missing. And that something was Changmin’s wry sense of humor, his warm hand resting on Yunho’s knee.   
The bed feels especially cold when he goes to sleep that night. It’s not that big, just a twin, but it seems much too big for his body as he twists and turns, unable to fall asleep. He wants to call Changmin and hear his voice again. Wants to curl around the younger man and, in the morning, wake up with their limbs tangled together.   
He wakes up alone, but there is a text waiting for him, and his heart stutters when he sees that it’s from Changmin.

From: Changdola  
 _Can we meet?_

To: Changdola  
 _Sure, when?_

Again, he doesn’t have to wait before his phone is vibrating.

From: Changdola  
 _Whenever it suits you._

To: Changdola  
 _Wednesday, 5pm?_

Yunho finishes work at two that day, but he knows that 5pm is way too early for his husband to finish his. He doesn’t expect much.

From: Changdola  
 _Sure, no problem. Do you want to meet somewhere? Or can we do it at home?_

To: Changdola  
 _Let’s meet in Mujabee._

Neutral ground. Hopefully, it’s going to help Yunho keep his cool. He doesn’t cry often, but when he does – it’s ugly, and he usually can’t stop.  
Yunho can’t contain his surprise when he sees Changmin again. A small part of him didn’t expect the younger man to show up, and he most definitely didn’t expect him to look so haggard, like he hasn’t slept in days. His hair is a mess, and his ears seem to stick out more than usually. Yunho managed to squeeze himself into his old skinny jeans and iced his face before coming, trying to erase his own exhaustion. Between the two of them, he definitely looks better, but it’s not saying much.  
“I didn’t think you’d come,” it’s the first thing he says, and Changmin looks up, startled.  
“I was the one who asked you to come.”  
“Yes, but… It wouldn’t be the first time you canceled last minute,” Yunho tries not to sound bitter, but he isn’t sure he succeeds.  
“You are right. Wait a second, I will order for us. What do you want? Vanilla latte?”  
“Coffee, black.”  
When Changmin comes back, he has two coffees and a slice of red velvet cake with him, which he sets in front of Yunho.  
“I didn’t...”  
“You lost weight,” Changmin says, and he almost reaches out to touch Yunho, but he stops himself last second, fingers curling around the coffee cup instead.  
Yunho takes a sip of his coffee, and it doesn’t taste as bitter as he expected it to. It’s a vanilla latte, and he hides his smile behind the cup. He has learned to like the bitterness of black, unsweetened coffee, but he still likes the coffee-flavoured milk better.   
“So...”  
“So?”  
“I missed you,” Changmin says and then huffs in exasperation. “There is no word big enough to express how much I miss falling asleep next to you.”  
“You say it now, but where were you before? When I was next to you, and you ignored me?”  
“I don’t know. I thought about it, and I have no idea why it happened. I got so wrapped up in my work, and you were always there. I guess I took you for granted, assumed you won’t ever leave,” there is a bitterness in Changmin’s voice Yunho has never heard before. And anger, directed at the younger man himself rather than anyone else.  
“Do you still love me?”  
Changmin finally touches him, taking his hand and squeezing it gently, “Making you doubt my love will always be the biggest regret of my life.”  
He doesn’t know what to say to this. It’s not that he isn’t touched, but at the same time he knows that words are cheap, easy to put out there and just as easy to forget. So he asks about Changmin’s day. At first, the conversation is stilted, like they are strangers on a first date, rather than a married couple. But it gets easier as they talk, Yunho allows himself to relax, and soon enough he can remember again why he loves the younger man so much that he is willing to try, over and over again. He feels calm when he gets home in the evening, almost hopeful.  
He knows that the almost constant texting and sweet words that follow their meeting won’t last in the long run. And that’s fine, he doesn’t need to be coddled like a child, he just doesn’t want to feel alone, when there is a person he loves right next to him.  
Jihye is ecstatic that they are talking again. If it was up to her, Yunho would be back at his own home, and he isn’t completely sure whether it’s because she wants them to make up, or she just wants him gone. He keeps to himself because it’s not his house, but maybe she finds him annoying anyway. She outgrew him, in a way. Jihye used to look up to him, and now she seems to know better. She talks to him when she needs a shoulder to cry on, but she doesn’t come to him when she needs advice, not anymore.   
Changmin’s idea of dates changed throughout the years. He isn’t a romantic, so he used to browse the internet for the ideas, sometimes coming up with completely over-the-top things to do. Yunho appreciated every bit of effort that went into their dates, but he always liked Changmin’s own ideas best. That’s why he doesn’t complain about the cold when his husband takes him to a park and feeds him strawberries on a bench overlooking the Han river. It’s January, and there is a thick layer of snow covering everything, but Yunho doesn’t mind it, when Changmin’s solid warmth is pressed against his side.  
“Joohyun is no longer working for me.”  
“You didn’t have to fire her!” Yunho says, but it’s a lie. He might be a decent person, but he is no saint, and he is happy that the girl is gone. It’s not her fault that she is beautiful, but Yunho is jealous, and his heart can’t take it.  
“I didn’t. She’s been moved to another department. My new secretary is, I think, sixty and really not my type at all. I didn’t… I didn’t do it because I wanted to sleep with Joohyun. I did it because I don’t want you to worry about it anymore.”  
Yunho hums happily, biting into another strawberry. It’s good enough.  
“Are you still… seeing Hojun?”  
“I’m not _seeing_ Hojun. We’re friends, we hang out. And we will continue to hang out.”  
Changmin’s lips press into a tight line, Yunho can tell he is trying to stay calm.  
“Are you sleeping with him?”  
“No. I never did.”  
“Oh. G-good.”  
Three weeks later, Yunho is ready to move back into their house. Hojun helps him carry everything, making yet another point. Changmin glowers at him, but he trying to play it nice to keep Yunho happy.  
Nowadays, Changmin works no more than fifty hours a week, and he always answers Yunho’s calls. He is making a little less than he did before, but it’s not an issue, Yunho didn’t marry him for his money. They still date, but sometimes, their dates happen in their own living room, and that’s more than fine. Being an adult is exhausting, and sometimes you don’t want to go out at all. Changmin’s hands have a tendency to wander, but Yunho makes him wait another three weeks before they have sex.   
Yunho still worries, watches his husband sleep and wonders, if he really is enough. But it gets better with time. Hojun’s presence helps, keeps Changmin on his toes, reminds him, that there are other men, who would gladly take care of Yunho. They are going to be okay.


End file.
